Raising gender expansive kids in a gender binary world.

I am the mother to three beautiful children and partner to an amazing man. As a university professor in early childhood education and family science, I have the privilege of working with aspiring teachers and family professionals. I conduct community-based participatory research with communities that have been pushed to margins by society, especially as they navigate parenting and child care in the US. I consider motherhood to be the most humbling experience of my life.

My children are ages 14, 11, and 8. My 14-year old was assigned male at birth (AMAB), my 11-year old was assigned female at birth (AFAB), and my 8-year old was AMAB. By some definitions all three of my children are cisgender (for now), that is, their sex assigned at birth based on their sex organs aligns with their gender identity or how they feel on the inside.

Unicorns are mythical creatures who symbolize happiness, freedom, and healing, among other positive omens. Unicorns are thought to be gentle but fierce. And of course, unicorns are rare, and it is a gift to have the opportunity to know one—much like the gift it is to raise gender expansive children.

My middle child, KK who was assigned female at birth (AFAB) and continues to identify as a girl, using she/her pronouns, is technically cisgender. However, by other definitions KK is trans—as she does not conform to society’s gender norms—or in other earlier terminology, she is “gender deviant”, “gender diverse”, “gender creative”, or in most recent terminology, she is “gender expansive”. KK prefers to describe herself as “gender expansive”. It’s been exciting to witness how, in just the last decade, terms continue to shift away from deficits-focused (i.e. gender deviant) language to strengths-based language (i.e. gender expansive), and how honoring peoples’ preferred pronouns continues to move into the mainstream.