Conversations with KK: “Her Body, Her Choices”
“And then she told me how much she liked my hair and that she wanted to cut her hair short like mine but her mom won’t let her.”
One spring night when KK was seven, while she was taking a bath, she told me about a new friend, CJ, she had recently started running with at track. Below is what she shared.
KK: She asked me if I was a boy or a girl. I appreciated that, you know, that she didn’t assume.
Me: Yeah, I bet that was nice.
KK: And then she told me how much she liked my hair and that she wanted to cut her hair short like mine but her mom won’t let her. Can you believe that?
Me: Yeah, different families have different ideas about how much kids are allowed to be in charge of their own bodies.
KK: Well, I told her, she can live in her body how she wants. Her body, her choices. Then, I helped her brainstorm good reasons she could give her parents for cutting her hair like it dries faster, less shampoo, less combing.
Me: Those are all great ideas. She might also think about growing it longer so she can then cut it and donate it. That might be a good point for her to raise.
KK: (her eyes completely lit up) Yes, that’s a great idea. (A few minutes later) I am glad I live in this family!
Me: Me too!
What I love about this conversation is that so much of how KK interacted with her new friend, CJ, reflected KK’s confidence in herself in that moment. This confidence seemed to be connected to our family’s value of living in your body as you choose, and that CJ didn’t assume her gender. I love that KK was able to see that CJ was struggling with her parents telling her how to wear her hair, and then helped CJ brainstorm possible solutions. As a follow up to this conversation, a week later KK helped CJ talk with her mom about cutting her hair.
KK: Tonight I talked to my friend’s mom about letting CJ cut her hair.
Me: Oh, tell me about that (I did not know the child or the mom, and KK’s dad took her to practice that night).
KK: Well, I explained to her that CJ really wanted her hair cut, and that I have learned we can make rules about our bodies, especially our hair. I told her about getting my hair cut with you. And I told her she should consider letting CJ cut her hair.
Me: What did her mom say?
KK: She said, “Sure, she can do that!”
Me: That’s wonderful. That sounds different than what CJ told you last week. Do you think CJ had misunderstood her mom before or do you think her mom changed her mind in that moment?
KK: I think a little bit of both.
Me: Me too—that makes sense. I love how you advocate for your friends. I am proud of what a good friend you are.
A few weeks later CJ came to track practice with a new haircut!
