Conversations with KK: Family and Community Acceptance and Support
By: Colleen Vesely
KK and I discussed each of the Raising Unicorns PRIDE guest blog posts as they were written last month. Below is one of our conversations related to the blog post written by Hillary Gile.
KK: Why did the boy’s grandma not want her grandson wearing a purple dress? It’s just a dress!
Me: Sometimes adults make it mean more. I think sometimes parents and grandparents worry that if their children or grandchildren express differently in terms of gender, then they will be picked on, bullied, and harmed by others.
KK: But I’m not picked on or bullied.
Me: Yes, and I am grateful for that. However, other gender expansive people in other communities continue to be picked on.
KK: That’s so wrong.
Me: I agree. On the one hand, I can certainly understand worrying about your child being picked on because society isn’t fully accepting and I can even see how this motivates some parents to encourage or even force their children to look, act, or be a certain way. But, it’s tricky because the pain of not being able to express exactly who you know yourself to be may be far worse than being picked on for being yourself—especially if you have allies, like your family, who support you in being yourself. Also, if those who love you most don’t allow you to fully express yourself, then instead of strangers causing pain it is loved ones causing the most pain.
KK: And, I feel stronger when I stand up for myself because I am able to be me. You know?
Me: I think so. I am grateful for that and for all of the allies you have standing with you.
This conversation with KK reminded me of an important resource from The Trevor Project focused on understanding resilience and how to support mental health among LGBTQIA+ children and youth. There is much research on the risks that LGBTQIA+ children and youth face. However, just as important is understanding resilience among LGBTQIA+ children and youth, as well as the resilience of families and communities that surround LGBTQIA+ children and youth. The Trevor Project summarized what is understood about resilience (ability to overcome adversity) among LGBTQIA+ youth and how to help build protective factors that increase resilience.
These protective factors include (from The Trevor Project research synthesis):
1. Social Support (being affirmed by parents, family members, teachers, friends, classmates)
2. Role Models (including LGBTQIA+ people being portrayed in positive ways)
3. Environment (including schools with anti-bullying policies and other protections for LGBTQIA+ youth)
4. Coping (including seeking LGBTQIA+ resources)
I encourage you to review this importance resource as you support gender expansive children and youth in your life.
A recent favorite picture of KK living as her authentic self, affirmed and supported by her family and community.
