“I can tell her anything, because she looks just like me!”: Importance of Gender Inclusive Dolls

By: Colleen K. Vesely

It’s holiday season and we are all making our lists and checking them twice!  As you make your list this year, consider the idea of representation, especially as you purchase holiday gifts, particularly dolls, for the children in your life.  What is meant by representation? Simply put, “if you can see it, you can be it.” Research demonstrates that dolls are vital to the development of children’s social and emotional skills, especially empathy. With research mostly focused on young children playing with racially and ethnically diverse dolls, experts indicate inclusive dolls—that is, dolls resembling the child playing with them--contribute to children’s sense of belonging. Given the research on racially inclusive dolls, it does not seem a huge leap to imagine inclusive dolls are important for gender expansive children, too. We see evidence of the importance of this kind of inclusive representation in play in our home, especially with dolls.

Navigating a world that is set up with gender as a binary construct and such strong messages of what girls should be/like/do and what boys should be/like/do can be challenging as a child who is expansive in her thinking/doing/expressing regarding gender---but it also invokes creativity. This is just one of many examples of KK’s expansive and creative thinking--taking what the world is providing and making it fit who she is.

Over winter break last year, visiting family in Wisconsin, KK spent a lot of time playing with her sweet cousin, LL’s American Girl and Our Generation dolls. KK and LL dressed up the dolls and set up elaborate scenes with all of the necessary accessories, including a car LL had received from her aunt as a gift. They played for hours in these imaginary worlds.

By the end of the week, KK decided she wanted to use some of her Christmas money to purchase her own doll. KK contemplated her decision, considering the $75 price difference between American Girl and Our Generation dolls. While American Girl dolls are a lot more expensive, KK was drawn to the idea of creating a Truly Me doll to look just like her. KK considered it might be worth the extra $75 since most off-the-shelf dolls, even the male dolls, do not resemble KK, with her short hair.

To avoid impulse purchases, in our family we try to wait 30 days before making any expensive purchases. A $100 (or more) doll is an expensive purchase! I reminded KK of this as she thought about finding a Truly Me doll. We talked about how much fun it was to play with LL’s dolls and questioned whether it was the dolls she enjoyed most or the time playing with her cousin. During the 30-day waiting period, to help KK decide, we planned to visit the American Girl doll store, as well as Target, which is where more affordable Our Generation dolls can be purchased. Ultimately, KK decided that $100 was just too much to spend on a doll, even if the manufacturers could create a doll to look just like her.

When we visited Target, KK looked at all of the dolls—both feminine and masculine dolls. KK didn’t think any of the masculine dolls looked like her, despite their short blonde hair. Amidst the feminine dolls KK found a doll that looked very much like her—this doll had blue eyes, a nose and lips that resembled KK’s, and blonde hair…long blonde hair, which KK pointed out is not like her.

While KK was able to see past the doll’s pink tulle skirt and sparkly shirt, stating, “I can just change her outfit,” she could not see past the long hair…until, I mentioned that maybe there was a way we could cut the doll’s hair. Once the words were out of my mouth, and KK thought this was a great idea, I worried that perhaps I had overpromised. I conveyed to KK my concern about making a mistake—and this time, our family assurance of “the only difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is one week” did not apply! KK was confident in our doll haircutting skills, simply stating “We can watch a few YouTube videos and we’ll be good.”

So, we got to work…

When we were finished, KK was very happy with how much the doll looked like her, and decided to name the doll Kik, a non-binary name reflecting KK’s initials.

Kik comes most places with us now, including family trips. At Thanksgiving we returned to Wisconsin and Kik joined us. KK was so excited to show her doll that looks just like her to her cousin, LL! Once again they played for hours in their imaginary world.

Recently, when I asked KK what she loved most about Kik, she said, “Kik makes me feel welcome and happy.” When I probed to understand what she meant by feeling welcome, KK said, “You know, I can talk to her and tell her anything, especially because she looks just like me!” If this isn’t a sense of belonging, I don’t know what is!