KK’s Experiences at Gender Inclusive Church Camp

By: Colleen Vesely

Camp Calumet is an ELCA Lutheran camp on beautiful Ossipee Lake in NH. Calumet holds a special place in our family. In the 1980’s my sister, brother, cousin, and I attended summer camp at Calumet for several summers. We loved our time there, and all of us, throughout our varied life paths have experienced the Calumet connection—that is, meeting others who too spent one or two weeks each summer at Calumet. This past June, after 36 years since I first stepped foot on the pine needle covered grounds of this beautiful camp, nestled in the heart of the White Mountains, Calumet became an even more special place, as KK and her older brother, LVI, attended camp for the first time.

LVI had been planning to attend Calumet since before the pandemic as his cousin best friend has been a camper for six years. He was looking forward to being in the outdoors, swimming, and archery. KK on the other hand, as she is with most new experiences, was reticent to attend. Initially, I assumed she was worried about being homesick or missing summer swim team.

When I asked KK more about her apprehension I learned that her greatest concern was the potential for having to deal with being misgendered far from home without all the people who know her and understand her. This concern was valid given KK’s experiences each day in this gender binary world. I certainly didn’t want KK to need to navigate a new space being questioned about who she is for an entire week without her village present to support her. I also worried negative interactions at Calumet regarding her gender expression would ensure she would never want to go to go to summer camp again.

Given my love for Calumet and my deep desire for KK to have a true camp experience I couldn’t let her decision go without further discussion. I processed KK’s choice with my sister, Erika, since my nephew had been attending Calumet for the previous several summers.

When I told Erika about KK’s concerns regarding being questioned at camp about her gender, my sister informed me that Calumet had spent the last several years actively working to ensure they are LGBTQIA+ inclusive. She encouraged me to take a look at their website to understand the changes they made. When I visited the Calumet website I immediately appreciated how Calumet unabashedly declares on their home page, “All Are Welcome in This Place. Every.Single.One”. And, just so there is absolutely no confusion about who Every.Single.One is, they have a cross enclosed by a heart that includes the colors of the LGBTQ Progress Pride Flag, displayed proudly and prominently throughout the website.

I read through the work Calumet has done over the last few years to embrace LGBTQIA+ campers and staff. This included adjusting the names of cabins, which were previously gendered (ie., “Girls Cabin 2”) to new names (“Ruth Cabin 2”), as well as shifting the lyrics of camp songs to ensure they are gender neutral, creating more private and accessible bathrooms, menstruation hygiene and care products made available to all campers regardless of the bathrooms they use, and providing training (Transplaining) for all camp staff regarding creating an inclusive environment for all campers, including those who identify as LGBTQIA+.

After reviewing the website, I was excited and proud that my camp alma mater is so clearly on the right side of history. I was so thrilled that I asked KK to take a look at the website with me. I wanted her to see all of the wonderful shifts and areas of growth related to LGBTQIA+ folx Calumet was undertaking and quite frankly, leading in the church camp space. After we looked at the website, I asked KK a final time if she’d like to go to the residence camp at Calumet. And she very quickly and excitedly said yes—she saw herself in the every.single.one statement. KK felt confident that her counselors and other staff would not only accept her, but that they would also be her allies and help her manage if she were misgendered or mistreated based on her gender expression.

A few days later we completed the registration paperwork. One particular form, to be completed with the camper, gathered information about the camper to be shared with their counselors. As such, there were questions for the camper to answer regarding their interests and many other things, including the camper’s pronouns. One of the most important questions sought to determine the camper’s deepest worry regarding camp. This question provided an opportunity for KK to express her worries regarding being misgendered and argued with about her gender.

This form provided a lot of relief, not only for KK, but for me too. Typically, when KK begins any new activity I take the time to send an email or have a conversation to ensure, as much as possible, that KK is not misgendered and most importantly that KK is affirmed. The questions Calumet asked not only saved me the time it takes to compose communications to ensure KK’s emotional safety, but also ensured from the initial steps of the camp experience we knew our family belongs at Calumet.

KK with her Calumet cabin mates.

Fast forward to the first weekend in July when I picked KK up from camp.  During our long journey home I listened to all of the camp stories and fun. All the while reliving some of my own camp memories and smiling the entire time.  KK did not share about anyone misgendering or mistreating her regarding her gender expression. However, it is not uncommon for KK to not share about misgendering experiences unless asked directly. After we had been home a few days I asked her if anyone at camp misgendered her.  Here is what she shared:

Me: I never did ask, did anyone misgender you while at camp?

KK: Nope!

Me: That’s wonderful! 

KK: Yep, and one of my counselors, my CIT, also had short hair, just like me!

Me: That’s so cool. Did you have the opportunity to share your pronouns with other campers?

KK: Yes, when we introduced ourselves in our cabins on the first day, and when we went to each of our periods.

Me: That’s awesome.  I am so glad you had that opportunity. Did anyone introduce themselves with pronouns other than she/her or he/him? 

KK: Yes, in woodshop one of the kids used they/them pronouns.

Me: Oh, that’s great that you could learn that about them.  

KK: Yes! And I was glad to know that so I didn’t mess up their pronouns. I feel really bad messing up other’s pronouns.

Later I asked LVI if in his cabin and activities they also introduced themselves using pronouns, and he affirmed that they had.  I then asked him if he or any of the other children seemed awkward about sharing their pronouns, and he said “no, not at all”. I continue to hope sharing our pronouns as we introduce ourselves will become as universal as sharing our names, “My name is Colleen and I use she/her pronouns.”

The straight-forward, simple yet inclusive adjustments Calumet intentionally made to introductions, songs, cabin names, bathroom accessibility, and their training of staff, ensured that KK knows she belongs at Calumet--that she is part of the Every.Single.One.  Thank you for affirming our child, Calumet!