Back-to-School Communications to Build Connection with Teachers
By: Colleen K. Vesely
KK begins 4th grade in less than two weeks! In our family, when we talk about the upcoming school year we frame these conversations with excitement for building new connections. We generate enthusiasm around reconnecting with longtime friends as well as favorite teachers and school staff. We highlight opportunities for making new connections with friends, teachers, and school staff. As a parent, I am also excited each school year as I anticipate renewed opportunities to connect and build partnerships with each of my children’s teachers.
As a way of opening a dialogue to connection, during the first couple of weeks of school I send each teacher an email introducing our family and providing more detailed information about my child. These early communications with teachers have been particularly important especially during the pandemic, and as KK has experienced increased questioning from her peers regarding her gender expression. Starting something new, even a new grade in school is when KK faces the most microaggressions.
While teachers have expert knowledge in child development and pedagogy, parents have expert nuanced knowledge of their children. Teachers know that parents hold this important expertise and often invite communications from parents to learn more about the children in their class (e.g., We have had teachers ask us to write a letter to them about our child.). And even if this kind of communication is not requested, it is always welcomed as teachers genuinely want to learn as much as they can about the children they teach so they can best nurture and support each child’s development.
Below is a template for writing a letter to your child’s teacher with suggested content areas, question prompts, and examples to guide what you might share about your child. I also share a letter we received from KK’s amazing 1st grade teacher in response to the letter we shared about KK.
If you decide to write a letter to your child’s teacher, please share it and any responses you receive from your child’s teacher, with us at Raising Unicorns (remove any identifying information) using the “Contact Us” link on the website. We would love to share these letters of connection with our larger community so we can all continue to learn how to build these important partnerships with our children’s schools.
1. YOUR CHILD’s FAMILY: Tell your child’s teacher about your family and household. This may include mention of siblings, grandparents, as well as where each parent lives.
EXAMPLE (KK 1st grade): Just by way of background, KK has an older brother, LVI (4th grade), who she idolizes and a younger brother, II (2.5 y/o), who she adores.
EXAMPLE (LVI 1st grade): LVI is our oldest child, with a younger sister, KK who is three, and a baby brother who is due to make his arrival in December. LVI is bicultural and bilingual as his father is originally from Serbia. LVI is very excited as his Baka (grandma) from Serbia will be visiting for a couple months this fall.
2. LAST YEAR: Share a bit about what your child’s experience was in the previous school year. These can be positive and/or negative experiences.
EXAMPLE (LVI 1st grade): LVI very much enjoyed his Kindergarten year, especially all the friends he made as well as (in his words), “drawing, listening to stories, and playing on the playground”, and, of course, Mrs. Superstar and Mrs. Amazing. We are looking forward to another fun-filled and enjoyable year of learning in 1st grade.
EXAMPLE (II Kindergarten): II enjoyed his time in preschool both at an in-home family child care in our neighborhood (age 3 during the pandemic) and at the JCC (ages 2 and 4). His teachers described him as kind, creative, and ‘the great equalizer’ as he was a child that was able to help other children self-regulate better. He enjoyed the Bridge to Kindergarten program this summer, especially making new friends and new connections with teachers.
3. ABOUT YOUR CHILD: Provide information on who your child is in terms of interests, personality characteristics, likes/dislikes, etc. In what environment and with what kind of people does your child best learn? How does your child get along with other children? Think about what you observe both in your child at home in interaction with you as well as other adults and children, as well as in other settings including sports, activities, and school
EXAMPLE (KK 1st grade): KK learns best in an environment where her verbose nature and her interests in creating and making things are considered strengths, and where these strengths are built upon even in the midst of curricular pressure that public school teachers face. KK is extremely imaginative and loves to create stories with figurines, and creations from construction paper, as well as materials from the natural environment. For example, yesterday afterschool, along with a few neighborhood children, she created a replica of pride rock with slab rocks from our rock wall, grass, and her Lion King figurines (she’s been slightly obsessed with Lion King since the school musical last year). She is a hard worker and wants to do well in school. KK tends to play on her own, and is okay if others join her or don’t join her. KK knows what she likes to do and is very decisive.
EXAMPLE (KK 4th grade): KK is extremely talkative and has a lot to share. Observing her experiences in school since she was age 3, I have come to realize KK’s extroverted nature and how she finds it genuinely fulfilling and energizing to connect with students and adults from all different backgrounds. Sometimes this desire to connect is not appropriately timed such that she may need reminders of times of the day when longer conversations with you or other children can be had.
EXAMPLE (LVI 3rd grade): LVI has a deep love for, interest in, and questions about science and math. However, over the last year, given the strong relationship he developed with Mrs. Awesome, and her understanding of LVI’s sensitive, sweet, and sometimes funny personality (as well as his methodical nature that can sometimes make him seem like an “absent-minded professor!), he developed a strong affinity for writing---especially science-oriented fiction stories. LVI is an in-depth thinker and does not always settle for simple answers to his questions—simple answers given to him rather than the opportunity to discover can sometimes lead to his disengagement---or simply more questions.
4. CONCERNS: Mention any on-going/emerging concerns or areas of growth for your child or that your child might have regarding school. Consider academic as well as social and emotional areas of growth.
EXAMPLE (LVI 3rd grade): LVI has good ideas but he is not always the most assertive in small groups, so ensuring he is in a classroom in which there is a balance (as much as is possible!) of children who are a bit more reserved with those who are more assertive, would be wonderful. LVI is somewhat of an introvert and has a lot more going on in his mind than he is often able to quickly articulate in a time-constrained space either orally or written, and as such an educator who understands this about him, and has the patience, desire, and skills to ask and dialogue with him about his interests will best be able to engage him in learning.
EXAMPLE (KK 1st grade): Socially, KK plays with boys and girls; however, she may be more comfortable playing with boys, as she has an older brother and a younger brother, and we live on a street full of boys. In addition, KK is gender expansive and as such often expresses her gender as masculine, particularly in terms of the clothes she chooses. Many of the activities in which she chooses to engage, however, are what some might consider traditionally feminine. KK still identifies as a girl, but this may change as gender identities are fluid. Consequently, it is extremely important, given her fluid gender expression, that she be with a teacher and in a classroom environment that are sensitive to this. We worry about not only negative peer interactions but also any negative interactions with adults in the school that might emerge. To give a sense of this concern regarding adults, in the middle of last school year, she experienced an unnecessary microaggression---or unintentional messaging that who she is, is not okay---because an adult at the school dictated, in a very traditional way, how girls should do a particular project and how boys should do this same project. Being a verbal child, KK pushed back on these directions, but in the end followed the teacher’s directions, and was left feeling “sad and mad” as she described the experience.
EXAMPLE (KK 4th grade): KK needs a classroom and teacher who is gender inclusive and has a deep understanding of how to affirm and support children who express their gender in a diversity of ways. KK has had teachers in the past who "don't see" or who, in their response to her experiences of being misgendered, seem to file it as not a big deal. To KK it is a big deal and it bothers her deeply, and then shapes the rest of her experiences in school. Our hope is that as her main classroom teacher you will recognize the possibility of these misgendering experiences in the bathroom, with substitute teachers, in the health room, lunchroom, recess, etc. and work to mitigate these.
5. HOPES FOR THE YEAR: Describe your hopes and dreams for your child this year. What do you wish for your child to experience this year? In what ways do you hope they grow?
EXAMPLE (KK 1st grade): Our wish for KK this year is that she is with a teacher and peers, and in an environment in which she can flourish and in which she is authentically accepted for who she is and how she expresses. Based on KK’s first day it is clear that she thinks you are nice, and to be honest, this is what we care about---that she is with a teacher who is warm and inclusive. She is a kind hearted, decisive, and sensitive child, and we are hopeful that all of her characteristics are seen as assets in your classroom.
6. INVITATION: Provide an invitation to continue connecting and suggest when you’d like to meet just to check in on your child.
EXAMPLE (KK 1st grade): We plan to arrange a face to face meeting with you sometime in September, just to check in on how KK is doing. We tend to do this each year with each child just to be sure things are going okay, and to begin to establish a working relationship with our children’s teachers, as we believe families and teachers are partners in children’s development and education.
KK at the end of her 1st grade year with a yard sign that her teacher delivered to our house.
Here is a letter we received back from one of KK’s teachers in response to our letter.
Thank you so much for this detailed insight into KK. I had already figured out that she is enamored with her “baby brother.” She talks about him quite often and so fondly.
I really appreciate you sharing with me about KK’s previous schooling experiences, her sense of self, how those relate, and what has been positive as well as frustrating for her. It is my top priority that each of the kids feel secure and safe being exactly who they are, and your letter will help guide me in getting KK to that place. On day 2 of school we read a book about being nervous on the first day of school and compared it to our feelings. I was pleased to see that while KK felt nervous about coming on day one, she shared she actually felt excited about coming back on day two! I’m hoping we can keep that positive momentum going!
I’d be happy to meet in September to let you know how she is adjusting.
Her pride rock model is amazing! She had shared with me that her favorite real animal is a Lion and we have discussed it quite a bit! We are also obsessed with Lion King over here. She told me other day that your family motto is “Hakuna Matata” and I made the connection that we say that in my house a lot too!
Thank you again for taking the time to share with me and for letting me borrow KK each day. She’s awesome!
