An Everyday Advocate
By: Colleen K. Vesely
KK is a born advocate. As I learn more about what Dr. Becky Kennedy calls a “deeply feeling kid (DFK)” or kids whose senses are “more porous” to all of the input from the world, I have greater understanding of KK’s everyday experiences with the world. And, it seems that it is this deeply feeling part of KK that makes her such a fierce “every day advocate”.
KK sees, feels and senses things very deeply—things that others might not even notice—noises, smells, looks on peoples’ faces. While this can sometimes be overwhelming for KK, it also shows up in KK as deep empathy, a need for social justice, and every day action.
This empathy and drive for social justice has been present in KK at least since she began talking. She has always stood up to and for others. KK lives the public safety idea of, “if you see something, say something,” by considering her own and other’s emotional safety, especially in situations that might pass others by.
In KK’s words, advocacy is, “standing up for others and yourself.” There are many times in KK’s short 9 years on this planet that I recall her seeing and saying something to stand up for others or herself. And because she notices and feels so deeply, KK often swoops into action before others even register what is happening.
When she was 2 years old her brother’s kindergarten friend came over for a play date. The friend started rebuilding her brother’s favorite Legos, and immediately KK noticed her brother’s deep dismay. Before I had a chance to react or support, KK put her hands on her hips, stood in superhero pose, and firmly said, “You leave my brother’s Legos alone.”
When she was 4 years old, and at the playground waiting for her brother to finish soccer practice, some older boys, probably around ages 7 or 8 told KK that she couldn’t play on the playground. Instead of walking away, and before I even had a chance to respond, KK stood firmly on the suspension bridge of the play set and said, “This playground is for everyone. I am going to play here.”
When KK was 5 years old and witnessed a younger neighbor being teased at the neighborhood pool, she stepped in and demanded the older children to return the toys to the neighbor. Like all the times before, KK moved into action before any adults even realized what was happening.
When KK was 7 years old, and still needing to wear a pull-up to bed (we come from a long line of heavy sleepers in my family—and all of the children in our family have worn pull-ups at night until about 8 years old), she was frustrated that GoodNights did not make any non-princess pull ups built for her female body parts. She expressed wanting to call the makers of GoodNights to tell them that they should have non-binary patterns on all of their pull ups. I encouraged writing a letter to Kimberly-Clark Company, the makers of Goodnights. KK wrote the following: “My name is KK. I am seven years old. I have used GoodNights for a few years every night. I am gender expansive. What this means is that I have the body of a girl but I like to wear clothes that others would think are “boy clothes”. This includes my GoodNights. The problem is that the GoodNights that are built for my body are all pink and princesses. I noticed there are not even girl super heroes just princesses. Can you please make GoodNights that are blue or green and built for girls’ bodies? And can you make GoodNights that are pink and built for boys’ bodies? Thank you for reading this letter. Please take this seriously.”
At age 8 when George Floyd was murdered, KK asked a lot of questions. These questions came with difficult answers related to the toxicity of structural racism, whiteness, and White supremacy, as well as our collective responsibility as a society, and especially among White people to repair and heal these harms. KK channeled her deep feelings of outrage and overwhelm into action in the only way she knew how in the moment. She made Black Lives Matter signs and with a couple of friends, walked around our neighborhood chanting, “No justice, no peace”.
Now, at age 9, by living as her full self every day despite being confronted by the gender binary confines of society, KK advocates for greater understanding of herself and all gender expansive people. KK not only stands up for herself and others’ opportunities to live fully self-expressed lives, every.single.day—she inspires others to do the same.
With her commitment to social justice and deep feelings regarding all that is happening in the world, KK has a need to act to fix injustices. While traditional large-scale advocacy actions (i.e., sit-ins, protests, hunger strikes, marches, boycotts, etc.) are necessary to building grass roots efforts for transforming laws, policies, and institutions towards social change, these planned efforts do not often foment immediate change or deep comfort for those seeking change. Not to mention, some of these large-scale advocacy efforts can be loud—often too loud for deeply feeling people.
On the other hand, “everyday advocacy”, or standing up in everyday moments for our selves and others, when we witness something unjust or someone being mistreated (including ourselves), can be immediately healing-- for those being mistreated and for the everyday advocate. And, tend to be less loud!
These every day actions of advocacy for one self and others help us feel seen and heard, know we are cared for and that we matter in this world. Every day advocacy can sustain us as we continue to fight for all who are marginalized to be seen, heard, and cared for by society.
So, I’ll keep looking to KK, and all of the deeply feeling people I know to keenly notice the (less-loud) spaces in which being an everyday advocate might create more emotional safety for all of us to keep fighting for justice for all.
